matt_thomas_1nc7k83hpakcd's profile

43 Messages

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686 Points

Saturday, November 7th, 2020

Closed

REVIEW DECLINED

Here's another one where i don't understand "their position"

I've reviewed, resubmitted, reviewed, resubmitted, can't figure out what's wrong

Any Ideas anybody?

Lullaby of Bareland (1964)
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 Declined (1)USER REVIEWADDITION
Bareland--contrary to spell-check, no, that's not a typo. Like Neverland for children, Bareland is a real place, a refuge for couples in stale marriages, but wishing on a fairy sure won't get you there

. Bareland is a different place for husbands than it is for wives. For men, it's a visit to a Nudie Show, for women, to a nudist camp. Each spouse narrates their experience with a never-ending string of innuendos, the husband's sounding like the type of thing to which the average woman approached would respond "Does that line ever work?"

The show presents a bevy of bare-breasted beauties, not the least of which (actually the MOST) the inimitable and incomparable Virginia Bell, who, at 55 bust, beats out that renowned and otherwise incomparable wonder woman, San Francisco's own Carol Doda, by 11" (!), and must have had the biggest boobs in Christendom, or for that matter, the world, after the 19th century freak-show attraction, the Hottentot Venus. So top heavy, you're holding your breath for the moment she'll fall over--seeing her in profile is a witness to the wonder of modern science's ability to defy basic physics and the laws of gravity!--but she's a true pro, executing every move beautifully, with grace and elan

There are also a lot of corny jokes punfully--again, not a typo, I do mean PUN-- groaning with wink-wink innuendo, in a classic burly-q comedy intermission. Like Commedia del Arte, you have your stock characters: The Dirty Old Man, The Faerie, The Schlemiel, and a couple of lovelies with some Generous Globes to round out the proceedings. See what I mean about puns? It's contagious.

Meanwhile, back at the overwhelmingly female Camp HELLO TA-TA! nudist colony (not its real name)--there's one fat old man in a hat and a beach chair at the far end of the pool, fortunately never in close-up, and an underage kid (apparently they didn't prosecute child porn back then) on a water slide and trampoline, presumably to give your eyes a brief rest from the barrage of bustiness all around. The gals laugh, swim, go up and down on a teeter-totter, get their time on the trampoline, of course, and play volleyball badly, all with maximum jiggle, of course

Gets a 5 for cheapness, less for cinematography--they basically just set up a camera at a real-life burlesque show and naturist compound and left it running, but still managed to edit together the best shots, most of which are an "eyeful" indeed!

--but a solid 6+ for old-fashioned sexy funCOUPLE'S RETREAT
ReasonDoes not meet contribution guidelines.Your contribution has been declined.Your submission conflicted with one or more of our policies as stated in our User Review Submission guide Please review these policies before submitting again. Thank you for understanding our position.

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43 Messages

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686 Points

5 years ago

Anybody else?  or is it a hopeless case?

10.7K Messages

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226.1K Points

I don't know if this case is necessarily hopeless, but maybe not very many fellow contributors are interested in it. For me, personally I've not given it a high priority on my list of things to address.

43 Messages

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686 Points

understood, thnx 4 input

43 Messages

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686 Points

absolutely right, just didn't want to be rude and tell him "somebody already told me the xact same thing"

that's my impulse, but like i said, i waste hours thoroughly researching, i'e' read ALL foregoing comments, before i comment, and falsely assume that's how everybody does.  nother handicap of a Stanford ivory tower education let loose clueless in a Real World.

Again, u got there first

43 Messages

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686 Points

yeah, 4 future reference, as far as i go, never a need to refer to someone else who supports what u've already said.  u can consider it read and considered on its own merits, if any

Employee

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578 Messages

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11.2K Points

5 years ago

Hey Matt - you can find our review guidelines here:

 

https://help.imdb.com/article/contribution/contribution-information/user-review-guidelines/GABTWSNLDNFLPRRH

 

In your review you've used all caps and not followed our guideline of keeping between 200 and 500 characters.

 

Also you've spent a lot of the review discussing the physical features of the performers in the title - your review should mainly be concerned with the title itself and not physical attributes of cast members. I imagine a review of Dogma that spent a paragraph talking about Matt Damon's hair would also be rejected.

43 Messages

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686 Points

This movie is just basically a buxom babe nude fashion show.  that's ALL it's about, particularly the star's unique physical attributes. 

not to  include is to misrepresent here.  

dogma wasn't bout m damon's hair

43 Messages

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686 Points

ur the boss!